The government in my country wants to introduce the law,which make school holidays short. Honestly in my view,this won’t work and will be have negative consequences. Actually it’s…
The government in my country wants to introduce the law,which make school holidays short. Honestly in my view,this won’t work and will be have negative consequences. Actually it’s not a good idea or solution for their aims. When this law will be introduced,school children will be outraged and sad. I’ve no doubt that someone will offer a petition, and a lot of them will sign the petition. That’s not fair for school kids,so i can advise alternative solution for government aims. This solution is put away unnecessary subjects like physics or biology on english or religion introduction. We need to focus on more important subjects like maths,physics,english and a little chemistry. Lots of children absorb a lot of unnecessary information from subjects. This solution will be clearly better. Finally i want to say that introduce the law which make school holidays shorter have a prospects, even so i guess my solution is better. Можешь проверить этот текст на ошибки? Я писал это эссе сам и хотел бы провериться на ошибки во временах,словах и так далее
Ваше эссе имеет интересные идеи и хорошую структуру, но есть несколько грамматических и лексических ошибок, а также моменты, которые можно улучшить для большей ясности. Вот исправленный текст с комментариями:
Исправленный текст:
The government in my country wants to introduce a law that would shorten school holidays. Honestly, in my view, this won’t work and will have negative consequences. Actually, it’s not a good idea or solution for their aims. When this law is introduced, school children will be outraged and sad. I have no doubt that someone will start a petition, and a lot of them will sign it. That’s not fair to school kids, so I can suggest an alternative solution for the government’s aims. This solution is to remove unnecessary subjects like physics, biology, or religion and instead focus on more important subjects like math, English, and a little chemistry. Many children absorb a lot of unnecessary information from subjects that are not essential. This solution would be clearly better. Finally, I want to say that introducing a law that shortens school holidays has its pros and cons, but I believe my solution is better.
Комментарии по исправлениям:
Артикли:
- Измените "the law,which make school holidays short" на "a law that would shorten school holidays." Используйте артикль "a," так как речь идет о новом законе.
Чтение:
- "When this law will be introduced" лучше изменить на "When this law is introduced." Употребляйте настоящее время для описания будущих событий, которые являются фактическими.
Слова和Фразы:
- "I’ve no doubt" лучше заменить на "I have no doubt."
- «offer a petition» лучше заменить на «start a petition».
- "That's not fair for school kids" - "to school kids" более естественно.
Предложения и грамматика:
- "This solution is put away unnecessary subjects like physics or biology on English or religion introduction." Измените на "This solution is to remove unnecessary subjects like physics, biology, or religion and instead focus on more important subjects like math, English, and a little chemistry." Это делает предложение более ясным.
Лексика:
- "absorb a lot of unnecessary information from subjects." - слово "information" уже единичное, поэтому "from subjects" достаточно, не нужно добавлять "that are not essential."
Согласование:
- "Finally i want to say that introduce the law which make school holidays shorter have a prospects" - измените на "Finally, I want to say that introducing a law that shortens school holidays has its pros and cons."
Попробуйте использовать эти исправления и рекомендации для улучшения вашего эссе!
