Read the rubric and find the key words, then read the student's answer and the teacher's comments. Rewrite the report according to the teacher's instructions. B You a comm make…
Read the rubric and find the key words, then read the student's answer and the teacher's comments. Rewrite the report according to the teacher's instructions. B You a comm make people makinc Write y The warden of your local park wants to make the • park more attractive and popular. Write a report making some suggestions on how the appearance of the park and its facilities can be improved. Inappropriate intro. Rewrite. Information incomplete. To: Mike Stephens, Shipton Park Warden Subject: Suggestions for improving Shipton Park Introduction I'd really like to tell you about the things I've thought of to make the park better for people. Appearance The park is in need of more plants, flowers and trees. Therefore, I suggest that more gardeners be employed by the council. My dad has planted lots of flowers in our garden and it looks lovely. Also, there is a lot of litter in the park. So? What should be done about it? Playground I feel that you could improve the facilities in the park. There is no children's playground, so you should build one. You could open a cafeteria and construct a small football pitch. To sum up, I believe that these recommendations would improve the park immensely and encourage more people to use it. Irrelevant, inappropriate information. Replace e.g. In this way… Missing or inappropriate headings. Use the passive in this section and add linking words/ phrases.
To: Mike Stephens, Shipton Park Warden
Subject: Suggestions for Improving Shipton Park
Introduction
This report presents various suggestions aimed at enhancing the attractiveness and functionality of Shipton Park in order to increase its popularity among visitors.
Current Appearance
The current state of the park indicates a need for improvements in its overall appearance. It has been observed that the park lacks sufficient plants, flowers, and trees. Therefore, it is recommended that additional gardeners be employed by the council to address this issue. Furthermore, it has been noted that litter is dispersed throughout the park, which detracts from its natural beauty. To combat this problem, an increased number of litter bins should be installed, and regular cleaning schedules should be established to maintain a tidy environment.
Facilities and Amenities
In terms of recreational facilities, it has been identified that there is no dedicated children's playground within the park. It is proposed that a playground be constructed to provide a safe and enjoyable space for children. Additionally, the installation of a cafeteria is suggested to enhance visitor experience and encourage longer stays. The construction of a small football pitch could also be beneficial, promoting outdoor sports and activities for all age groups.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the suggestions presented in this report, including the hiring of more gardeners, the installation of litter bins, the construction of a children's playground, the establishment of a cafeteria, and the addition of a football pitch, are believed to significantly improve the overall appeal and functionality of Shipton Park. By implementing these recommendations, it is expected that more visitors will be attracted to the park, enhancing community engagement and enjoyment.
